A — Assess your child’s readiness
Most people begin training when their child is about two, but some kids may not be ready until well into their fourth year. Watch for the right signs, such as imitating others’ bathroom habits, and don’t pressure your child to start before he’s ready. It’s worth running through a basic checklist to see if he is ready.

B — Buy the right equipment
First and foremost, this means investing in a child-sized potty or a special seat to attach to your regular toilet. Whichever you choose, make sure your child can stabilise himself with his feet so he can push when he’s having a bowel movement. You may also want to pick up an explanatory picture book or video for your child to help him get interested in training.

C — Create a routine
Sit your child fully clothed on the potty seat once a day — after breakfast, before his bath, or whenever else he’s likely to have a bowel movement . This allows him to get used to the potty and accept it as part of his routine. If he doesn’t want to sit on it, that’s okay. Never restrain him or physically force him to sit there. And especially don’t push the issue if he seems scared.
In both cases, it’s better to put the potty away, or at least aside, for a few weeks or a month and then try again. If he’s willing to sit there, fine. But at this stage, don’t even try to explain why he should use it; you just want him to get used to the thing. Make sure it’s always in a convenient place — since it’s portable, your child’s potty can be used in the garden or the playroom.

D — Ditch the nappy
Sit your child on the potty seat without a nappy. Again, let him get used to what it feels like to sit there this way. At this point you can start explaining that this is what Mummy and Daddy (and any older siblings) do every day. That is, undressing before you sit down to go to the bathroom is the grownup thing to do.
If he gets the idea and produces something, that’s fine. But don’t push him to perform. Again, wait until he’s ready and demonstrates a clear interest in using the toilet on his own.

E — Explain the process
It may help to show your child where his bowel movements go. The next time he goes in his nappy, take him to his potty, sit him down, and empty the nappy beneath him into the bowl. This will help him make the connection between sitting and producing. After you’ve emptied his potty into the big toilet, let him flush it if he wants to (but don’t make him do it if he’s scared) so he can see where it goes. Teach him to dress himself and wash his hands when he’s done.

F — Foster independence
Encourage your child to use his potty whenever he feels the urge to go. But make sure he knows that he can tell you, too, and that you’ll take him to the bathroom whenever he wants you to. If you can, let him run around sometimes without a nappy (or any clothing below the waist), with the potty nearby. Tell him he can use it whenever he wants to and remind him occasionally that it’s there if he needs it.

G — Grab some training pants
You may like to try using training pants. Some children like them and they help, others just think of them as a slightly different type of nappy and they defeat the object of the exercise. Some children are encouraged by having real underwear instead.

H — Handle setbacks gracefully
Virtually every child will have several accidents before being completely trained during the day and at night. Don’t get angry or punish your child; after all, it’s only recently that his muscles have developed sufficiently to allow him to hold his bladder and rectum closed at all. Mastering the process will take time. When he has an accident, calmly clean it up and suggest that next time he try using his potty instead.

I — Introduce night training
Even when your child is consistently clean and dry all day, it may take him several more months or years to master night training, so don’t throw away his nappies just yet. At this age, his body is still too immature to reliably wake him up in the middle of the night just to go to the bathroom. You can help cut down on wet nights by not letting him drink too much before bedtime and telling him that if he does wake up in the middle of the night he can call to you to help him get to the potty. You can also try leaving his potty near the bed in case he wants to use it.

J — Jump for joy — you’re done!
Believe it or not, when your child is ready to learn this new grown-up skill, he will. And if you wait until he’s really ready to start, the process shouldn’t be too painful for either of you. He will eventually be trained, and you won’t have to think about it again — at least, not until the next baby…

Toddlers hit and bite, kick and punch because it is a sure fire way to get your attention, something your children crave. You need to show them that it doesn’t work.

As soon as he hits out (don’t wait) tell him that because he has hit or bitten he must now sit in ‘time out’ for two minutes (use a minute for each year of his life). Say this as calmly as you can and then don’t say anything else. Next, lead him firmly but kindly to a designated chair (preferably one from which his feet can neither touch the floor nor kick the walls) and leave him to sit.

Do not send him to his room or to the bottom step. You need to keep an eye on him, and he needs as few distractions as possible. A chair in the kitchen is great.

If he gets up, take him back immediately. Tell him that the time out will only begin when he is sitting. Put your hand on his leg to encourage him to stay. Do not let him off if he says he’s sorry, he needs to sit still first. Don’t talk to him during his time out or allow any one else to either. Use the two minutes to calm yourself down. When the time is up, ask him to apologise and then forgive and forget. Eventually your toddler will get the message.

Your toddler is learning what he can and cannot do. With time out and your positive and loving attention whenever he is playing well, he won’t need to go on hitting and biting for long.

Vegetarian
Good source of vitamin E, folate and calcium

3 spears of asparagus, trimmed and cut into pieces
Half a ripe avocado
1 tsp lemon juice
1 tbsp ricotta
Steam the asparagus until tender, and cool. Blend all the ingredients together and use as dip with baby breadsticks and cooked carrot batons.

Sweet potato, carrot and cheese mash

Vegetarian
Good source of betacarotene, calcium and vitamin C

120g sweet potato, peeled and diced
1 medium carrot, peeled and diced
25g hard cheese, such as cheddar, grated

Boil the vegetables together until just tender, then mash or purée along with the cheese.

Cottage cheese and pea mash

Vegetarian
Contains iron
Good source of vitamin C

50g frozen peas
50g cottage cheese

Cook the peas until just tender. Mash together with the cottage cheese and serve with fingers of bread or rice cakes.

Lentil dhal with orange

Vegetarian
Contains iron
Good source of betacarotene and vitamin C

100g lentils
300ml water
50ml orange juice
Pinch of cinnamon

Pour water over the lentils. Cover and cook gently for 20 minutes or until the lentils are soft. Drain off a little fluid using a sieve and return the drained lentils to the pan. Stir in the orange juice and spice and return briefly to the heat.

Eggy bread

Vegetarian
Contains iron
Good source of B vitamins

1 slice of soft wholemeal bread
1 egg, well beaten
A little oil for frying

Heat the oil in a frying pan. Dip the bread in the egg, turning to coat both sides well. Carefully place into the hot oil, and fry until golden brown on both sides. Remove from the heat and place on kitchen paper to absorb any surplus oil. Cut into tiny fingers, and serve along with some slices of tomato or satsuma.

Baby ratatouille

Vegetarian
Good source of betacarotene and vitamin C

1 tsp olive oil
Half a small onion, finely chopped
1 small courgette, diced
1 small pepper, yellow or red, seeded and diced
Few slices of aubergine, diced
4 tomatoes, skinned and seeded

Lightly fry the onion in the oil, and add all the other vegetables. Stir, cover and turn down the heat, allow to cook until the vegetables are tender. This should take about 30 minutes. Purée or mash to an appropriate consistency for your baby.

Broccoli with tomatoes and almonds

Vegetarian
Good source betacarotene, vitamin E, calcium and vitamin C

2 florets broccoli
25g flaked almonds, lightly toasted and ground finely
2 tbsps canned chopped tomatoes

Steam the florets until tender and blend with the tomatoes. Stir in the ground almonds, and serve.

Lamb with apple

Good source of B vitamins and vitamin C
Excellent source iron

200g lamb mince
1 cooking apple, grated
100ml unsweetened apple juice
1 small courgette
Large pinch ground cinnamon
Half tsp dried tarragon

Cook the mince in its own fat until it has browned all over or no longer pink. Drain off the resulting fat. Return the mince to the pan and add the grated apple and courgette and juice. Stir, cover and cook for 15 minutes. Add the cinnamon and tarragon, stir and continue to simmer for another 5 minutes.

Blend lightly to remove large lumps, and serve with mashed potato.
Alternatively for a family meal, place in a casserole, top with sliced tomatoes, and spread mashed potato over. Bake for 25-30 minutes at 180 degrees C (gas 4).

Savoury chicken casserole

Excellent source of iron
Good source of betacarotene and vitamin C

Half an onion, chopped finely
1 chicken breast, skinned and diced
1 dessertspoon olive oil
1 carrot, peeled and diced
1 bouquet garni
3-4 button mushrooms, wiped and thinly sliced
150ml water
50g frozen peas, thawed

Gently fry the onion and chicken until the chicken is cooked on all sides. Add the carrot, bouquet garni, mushrooms and water. Stir and cover. Simmer gently for 15 minutes, before adding peas. Cook for another 5 minutes until the peas are warmed through. Remove the bouquet garni and blend to an appropriate consistency for your baby.

Sardine and avocado spread

Good source of omega 3 fatty acids, calcium, vitamin E

2 canned sardines in oil, drained and well mashed
Half an avocado
1 tsp lemon juice

Mash the ingredients well together and use as a toast topper or dip.

• Make sure your baby has plenty of day feeds. If it has been 4 hours from the beginning of the last feed, wake him gently and offer a feed.
• Encourage good active play times before or after day feeds, when your baby is awake and alert.
• Keep night feeds ‘boring’. Keep the light low, try not to talk to him (a smile is OK), only change the nappy if you really need to, and get him back to bed and sleep as soon as you can.
• Even quite young babies tend to have one longer sleep in each 24 hours. If you want this at night, make sure he doesn’t get in the habit of having this sleep during the day. It is OK to wake a sleeping baby if you are trying to change a pattern.

• Give your child a “transitional object”. Chances are this security object — such as a blanket or stuffed animal — will become a much-cherished possession that helps soothe your child to sleep. One great way to make a blanket or teddy bear a favourite is to keep it near you for a while so it becomes “mum-scented”. Babies have a strong sense of smell, and when they startle awake, which they do often during the night, the smell of their mothers nearby can be very reassuring and help them go back to sleep.

• Separate sleep from being merely sleepy. During infancy, your baby may move quickly between states of sleepiness and alertness. Take your baby’s cues and use them: If he falls asleep while eating or being carried, lay him down in a designated sleeping place, such as his cot or pushchair. If he’s awake, encourage that wakefulness, and socialize with him. By distinguishing between asleep and wakeful periods, you’ll help him associate sleep with a proper sleeping place.

• Separate day from night. Though babies will eventually sleep longest at night, many newborns mix up day and night. To help your baby learn to use nighttime hours for longer sleep periods, distinguish between naps and bedtime. At night, start to create bedtime routines –playing quietly, reading, taking a warm bath, changing into pyjamas, singing, rocking, swaddling, and darkening the room.

• Treat night-time meals differently than daytime ones. Since your newborn needs to eat around the clock he’ll awake several times during your sleeping hours. So to keep those night-time feedings functional and less disruptive, Dr Penelope Leach, in Your Baby and Child, suggests that parents make night-time feedings quiet and daytime ones social. In other words, when your baby starts to fuss and whimper in the middle of the night, go to him immediately and feed him before he really has a chance to wake up. If your baby sleeps with you, this will be even easier. Don’t talk or turn on the light, but simply keep the quiet, sleepy atmosphere you’ve set so that baby understands it isn’t playtime. During the day, do the opposite: Treat mealtimes as opportunities to coo, sing, talk to, and interact with your baby.

• Encourage an older baby to fall asleep on his own. At first, your baby will undoubtedly fall asleep in your arms while feeding or being rocked. He may sleep if you carry him in a sling, where the natural rhythms of your walk and your warmth lull him. But eventually, you want your baby to get used to the idea of going to sleep on his own.

Introduce the notion gradually: When your baby is drowsy, but not yet asleep, lay him down. By putting him down when he’s awake — but still feeling loved and cosy — he may associate falling asleep himself with such feelings. This may be easier said than done, however. But do continue to try to put your baby down sleepy, but awake, and soon he’ll get the hang of it.

What does it mean to let a baby “cry it out”?
For decades, parents have been told that the best way to train a baby who no longer needs nighttime feedings to sleep through the night is to let him “cry it out”. In other words, put the baby in his cot, shut the door, and let him bawl. Though there are variations on this technique, the general idea is the same: After about a week of unheeded crying, a baby will learn to fall asleep on his own. Without a rewarding response to his cries, the theory goes, a baby learns that it’s not worth the trouble to cry so hard.

Dr Richard Ferber, author of Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems, advocates the most widely-used approach to this seemingly heartless approach, which shouldn’t be used with children under six months of age. Ferber recommends that parents not leave their baby cold turkey, but that they periodically comfort him without picking him up. Make sure he’s not twisted up in his blankets or without his favourite stuffed animal, then pat him gently, tell him you love him but it’s bedtime, and leave the room. Don’t turn on the lights, linger, or hold him. The first night you might wait five minutes before your cribside appearance, the second night 10 minutes, and so on. Eventually, your baby will learn to fall asleep on his own. But Dr Ferber does caution that no one approach works for every baby.

Should we let our baby cry it out?
Among new parents, this question is hotly debated. Is there an easier, less heartless way than so called “Ferberising?” Perhaps. Here’s what some childcare experts say about crying it out.

• Dr Penelope Leach, author of Your Baby and Child, and many other books on babies
Approach: “Compassionate Crying It Out” If you leave your baby crying, he’ll feel abandoned and fear that your departure at bedtime — and any other time — isn’t safe.
When: Starting at around nine months — babies can’t really learn that night-time is for sleeping until then.
What to do: Since the goal, Leach points out, is to help your baby feel that bedtime is safe and happy and that he can go to sleep on his own, don’t abandon him outright. Instead, keep to your enjoyable bedtime rituals and when your baby cries go into his room, reassure him, and leave as often as you need to. Leach writes, “You may have to repeat this over and over again, but it is the only sure way eventually to convince him both that you will come and that you will not get him up.”

• Dr T. Berry Brazelton, author of Touchpoints and many other books on babies and children
Approach: “Nurturing but Crying It Out” Before you begin any kind of program like this, make sure that both partners are in complete agreement.
When: Depends on the child — you could do this at six months or two years. Brazelton urges parents to examine their own motivations and their child before they begin this programme.
What to do: Be sure you’ve eliminated late afternoon naps (after 3pm), keep a relaxing, loving bedtime ritual, and don’t breastfeed or rock your baby to sleep. Instead, put him down awake and stay with him, reassuring him that you’re there but that he can fall asleep by himself. If you like, you can wake him up before your bedtime for a feeding, so that you won’t worry that he’s hungry later. Finally, be prepared for wakings every four hours or so. When he does cry out, go to him quietly and try not to stimulate him. Don’t pick him up or rock him, but do soothe him and quietly reassure him. After you feel comfortable with this, don’t go to him, but call out to him and reassure him, suggesting he snuggle with his teddy bear or other security object. Again, when you’re comfortable, wait 15 minutes before responding to his cries and then repeat the above step.

• Dr Benjamin Spock, author of Baby and Child Care
Approach: “Cry It Out”
When: Three months
What to do: Say goodnight and don’t look back. Usually, after three nights of unchecked crying, your baby will start going to sleep by himself. Spock says that most babies will cry for up to 30 minutes on the first night, realise they’re not getting anywhere, and fall asleep. He writes: “I’m convinced that they are only crying from anger at this age…[Checking on her] only enrages her and keeps her crying much longer.”

• Dr. William Sears, author of The Baby Book and others
Approach: Sleeping with baby or other responsive tactics. He writes, “The result of [crying it out] is usually the same: A strung-out mother and an angry baby, who will eventually exhaust himself to sleep — but at what price. We wish to put the cry-it-out approach to sleep — forever.”
When: From infancy until the child is ready for his own bed
What to do: Consider sharing your bed with your baby for the first few months or more of his life. According to Sears, mother and baby sleep better and longer side-by-side, baby gets warmth, nurturing and a readily available breast if he’s breastfeeding, and babies thrive when they sleep near their parents. Plus, if the mother has returned to work, sleeping with her baby may help restore and build connections that can be frayed during the workday.
If you don’t want to sleep with your baby, you can still use Sears’ other suggestions for helping a baby learn to sleep through the night:

• Consider why your baby is waking and crying at night. Try to listen to his cries and reassure him.

• Share the comforting duties. Often a breastfeeding baby wants Mum at night, even if he no longer needs night-time feedings. But if Dad can be part of the night-time plan, the baby may learn to be comforted by him, and then to stop needing anyone when there’s no food coming!

• Offer your baby a comforting stuffed animal or blanket. Help him make sleep associations with it.

How do Hips & Lips Mums get our babies off to sleep?

I’ve learned she is a tummy sleeper so I put her to bed on her tummy and then flip her to her side or back after she’s sound asleep – usually 15 minutes.
I have put a thick winter blanket under the mattress in the cot at the head end to raise it up. This helps with any wind and makes it easier for a quick settling sleep.
At my evening feed I only give him half and then change nappy and swaddle and give him more milk but in the dark and in the nursery – then it’s a quick tuck into bed with no noise or talking.

Parent’s Centre sleeping page: http://www.parentscentre.org.nz/parenting_baby/sleeping.asp